So this is what it feels like to be an adult?

I have compromised myself without even meaning to I feel like I have discovered so much and yet I still have so much more to learn. I have been in love for a while i know love is a big word but all i can think about is how far away I am from him. Do you really have to move a whole continent to realize the guy that mattered most to you was there all along? I guess I did, did i have to mess around with his best friend to realize what a void i have for an excuse of a heart and then continue to play others hearts? I suppose so.  I feel like there is an empty void, when did i become so lackluster about relationships hell when did i become an adult? If being an adult means finally making up my mind with what my heart wants then i should start following it. I'm tired of feeling alone and not caring anymore, I miss him! I miss the way he puts his arms around me and makes me feel so safe, I miss falling asleep on his shoulder, I miss the warmth of his hand in the darkness. I suppose being an adult is knowing what you want, I cannot admit aloud what it is  I want but i know deep down inside what my heart wants.